Why Are Men's and Women's Fantasies So Different?

Why do women connect love and sex more closely than men do? Anthropologists explain it in genetic terms. The female must fight to keep the family together so offspring can grow up well-fed and well-protected.Sexologists explain it experientially. Like our personalities, our sexual persona and desires are formed in childhood, especially in the formative years between five and eight. During these years, little girls experience more affection than little boys. Mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, and even Mommy's and Daddy's friends all cuddle and kiss little girls. Little girls sit on Daddy's lap and hug him more than little boys do. It is natural that a girl might have her first erotic feelings while being cuddled. Little boys are not cuddled and kissed as much. They experience affection in a different way—maybe a pat on the back or a playful "Hiya, buddy" punch on the shoulder. That expresses love to little boys. Little boys even learn to shun affection and kisses in public. Recently I was walking past a city grade school about eight o'clock in the morning. A mother came up to the school with two children about seven or eight years old. She was holding her daughter's hand, and her son was bounding ahead of them. At the front door of the school, she bent down and gave her daughter a kiss and a big hug. The little girl threw her arms around her mother's neck and said, "Bye-bye, Mommy. See you later," and went bouncing into the school.

The mother then bent over her son to do the same. The little boy stiffened and put his hands up to shield his face: "Mother, pul-eeze don't kiss me while everybody is watching." The mother laughed and said, "OK, buddy. Put up your dukes." They had a playful boxing match for a few seconds before the boy trounced happily along after his sister into the school. Little girls, when playing together, touch each other a lot. They braid each other's hair or put their arms around each other when they are afraid. Male friends are more apt to wrestle or "shoot" each other in a game of cowboys and Indians or cops and robbers. Is it any wonder, then, that girls grow up connecting love with kisses and cuddles, and boys grow up connecting love with a little rough play or power games?

Yet More Differences

The most striking difference between men and women, however, as illustrated by the letters The Project received, is not in their actual fantasies but in what men and women want to do with their sexual fantasies. It is curious to note that men's and women's fantasy desires were in direct contrast to their real-life stereotypes. In day-to-day matters, a woman usually likes to share sensitive information and a man prefers to keep his thoughts to himself. However, in sex, many men want to share their sexual fantasies with a woman. Some even have a compelling desire to playact them out with her.

Huntresses, men connect sex and ego very tightly, much more so than women do. Men's real-world thoughts ("What's going on in this relationship? Where will it go? How do I feel about my partner? How does she feel about me?") all interfere with desire—read potency. Therefore, many men have learned to suspend reality during the sex act. If what is actually going on in bed is not hot enough to keep them hard, they let their imaginations do the job. Men can perform better when they forget about the complexities of their relationship with you and give their imagination and their bodies 100 percent to raw sex. Since a man is more potent with a woman who shares his sexual attitude and his fantasies, he is more apt to fall in love with her. Huntresses, here's the plan. First we need to explore raw sex. Then, afterward, I give you a technique to excavate your Quarry's core fantasies. Finally we explore ways to manipulate those fantasies to make him fall in love with you. Now, Hunters, concerning technique, women love you harder when you give them fireworks with their sex, but they are hesitant to tell you how to do it better for fear of hurting your ego. Concerning their fantasies, women are more content enjoying them in the privacy of their own minds. Also, when it comes to choosing a lifetime partner, a woman is more susceptible to falling in love with—and getting hot over—a man who fulfills her relationship fantasies as well. The two, technique and relationship, put together add up to steamy sensuality. Hunters, here's the plan. In this section, you will find hot guidance in the "how-to" department and techniques to excavate your Quarry's relationship fantasies. Mix the two so you can give your woman the steamy sensuality she craves.

Even though everyone's sexuality is as personalized as a thumbprint, there are basic gender differences in how men and women look at sex. Before we aim the telescope at your Quarry's one-of-a-kind sexual needs, let us gaze at the universe of similarities. The following chapter includes some generalizations, to be sure, but we need a solid foundation of basic sexual gender differences before we can get a good footing to explore the unique terrain of our particular Quarry's desires.